Sympathy Flower Etiquette

To the funeral or the home?

There may not be a more important occasion than death. You don't get a second chance to get your response right and you can't really procrastinate. If you would like to send flowers to a funeral they should really be sent to the funeral home before the first visiting hours. The flower arrangement should be there when the family arrives.

If you are not informed of the visitation hours in time, then it is considered more appropriate to send flowers or a plant to the home of the bereaved, rather than having the flowers arrive during visiting hours or at the funeral.

Type of funeral arrangements?

Exactly what kind of flowers to send depends on one's relationship to the deceased and their faith. As in many facets of post-modern life, the flower arrangements sent to funerals may now have a very personal meaning. For example, if the departed was an avid gardener, then it is thought to be appropriate to include species that they were particularly fond of in your arrangement. See dish gardens.

There are also traditional "funeral arrangements" see descriptions and examples of sprays that rest on caskets, wreaths that stand on easels next to caskets, and baskets and arrangements in vases, which are more likely to be sent to homes after the event.

Type of funeral flowers?

Traditional flowers to include funeral arrangements are carnations, chrysanthemums, gladiolas, lilies and roses. Once again, your relationship to the deceased should be taken into account and it may even be useful to consult a reference to the Language of Flowers.

Funeral flowers and religion?

In Jewish families the funeral can take place very soon after death, preferably in less than 24 hours. Sending flowers to the funeral home or the synagogue was not traditionally done. Instead fruit and food baskets were sent to the home of the bereaved during the mourning period. However, flowers are increasingly included in Reformed Jewish funerals.

Islamic funerals are marked by their simplicity and references are unclear as to whether flowers are welcome at all. Flowers are not a traditional part of Hindu funerals, but are not unwelcome.

Christian funerals generally include flowers, but some ministers do not allow them in the church itself. Rather, they are only present at the funeral home and the graveside. It is best to check with individual church regarding their floral decoration policy.

After the fact?

If you have found out about a person's passing after the funeral has passed, it is still quite acceptable to send flowers to the family and friends of the deceased. In fact, it is frequently noted that at this time flowers are much appreciated because they may arrive after the funeral during an emotional lull when it is helpful to remind the bereaved that they are not forgotten. Some references recommend sending a plant at this juncture because, unlike cut flowers, a potted plant will continue to live and grow, having a fairly obvious symbolic meaning.

In lieu of?

It is common to see the phrase "in lieu of flowers" in obituaries, followed by the suggestion that a donation be sent to a charity favored by the departed or by their family. This does not mean that flowers should not be sent. In fact, it is appropriate to send both the donation and flowers. If flowers are actually not wanted, then the phrase "please omit flowers" will be used in the obituary.

When it comes to sending flowers to a funeral or to the bereaved, you should get it right, so more information is better. Talk to friends of the family that may be closer to the deceased than you were to find out whether they have made their wishes known regarding flowers and whether they have family traditions regarding flowers (religious or otherwise). Then bring this information to a florist and see what is available and appropriate to send.

Flowers change everything… ®

Apparently studies have been done repeatedly that have found that the sight and smell of flowers at funerals can be comforting to the family and friends of the deceased, so if you would like to make a truly supportive contribution to the emotional well-being of the living, consider sending flowers.

Related Links

Sympathy Flowers
Types of Funeral Flowers
Language of Flowers